Saturday, May 30, 2009

Holding My Tongue

One of the hardest parenting lessons for me is learning to keep my mouth shut and just say less in general during challenging moments. There are so many times I need to back off - when I am angry, lectury or sometimes just jumping to conclusions. Sometimes it is about holding the space, but sometimes it is about listening and getting more information, even before validating, since sometimes I can guess what is going on incorrectly!

Today was one of those times I actually felt like I got it right! We were driving somewhere in the car, and Akasha was yelling, which really bothers Orion most of the time. All of a sudden, he says one of those phrases parents hate to hear. "I don't want a sister."

Ugh, of course a few "wrong" things popped into my mind, like oh God, he hates her and "You don't mean that," but I just paused and said, "Ah, you feel like you know like having a sister right now?" (Alert, even this can be dangerous I realized as it came out of my mouth. I have had this one backfire and received an angry, "I don't want a sister EVER!" But this time it was OK.)

"Yeah," he said.
So I said, "Hmmm, what do you think we should do about that?"
"Leave her with daddy."

Ah, so it was just about the noise, and maybe about wishing we could have alone time. I said I was sorry she makes so much noise in the car sometimes and asked if we should schedule some time with Daddy to go someplace with just us. He liked that idea. Mommy crisis averted. It wasn't the end of the world after all.

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