Dear Son,
You are three years old today. Wow, three years old. It sounds so much older than two somehow. Three is starting to sound like a little person instead of a toddler, and indeed you are! I have been thinking for awhile about writing a letter to you about all you have taught me, and then I got the idea recently that it would be a perfect thing to do for your third birthday.
The event that first got me thinking about it was watching this baby contentedly sitting in a stroller and remembering how your father and I used to wish you would do that. I knew so little about natural parenting back then, but having you for a son sped up my learning process. Looking back, I can see now that all of who you were, and are, has taken me on an amazing journey of learning about how to be the best parent I can for you, in ways that have made me feel connected to you like I never imagined.
My first lesson? Cosleeping is awesome. Thinking back to how little I knew while pregnant with you, I pretty much had gotten all my information from Dr. Sears. He was a great source of initiation to Attachment Parenting, but just the tip of the iceberg. After reading his book, we decided on using a cosleeper as a nice happy medium. Um, yeah. I think you spent about an hour total in that thing! OK, maybe 3 hours tops. You used to fall asleep and I would try to lay you down, but you always woke up. So I decided it would be easier to sleep with you right next to me. The first few days, I was so worried about waking you up that I would scrunch down slowly after nursing and you ended up sleeping right on my lap. I eventually evolved this into you sleeping in the crook of my arm, and that is where you are still sleeping today at least half the time! A few months ago, I would have said 90% of the time, but lately you have taken to migrating over to dad and trying to crowd him out of the bed haha.
We have loved having you in bed with us. Recently, when you started going to sleep in your big boy bed some nights, we couldn’t even get to sleep without you there. It was your dad who said, “This feels wrong. I think you should go get him.” So now we move you back into bed with us when we are ready to go to sleep. I think we will both be sad when you decide you don’t want to sleep with us anymore.
My second lesson: Babywearing is also wonderful. Ditto on of the first two sentences of the first lesson. Continue with… we decided to buy one of his slings. Hmmm, not the best choice, although it worked pretty well for you dad in the early days. It turned out there was a whole world of babywearing out there I never knew about. Luckily, I checked out the local La Leche League meetings, and the leader turned me onto the Maya Wrap. Good thing because you spent a lot of time in there! You never really cared for a stroller, or being put down in general haha, and now I am so glad that I got to spend so much time carrying you. And I got to learn so much about baby carriers and the benefits of babywearing.
The other neat thing about using the Maya Wrap was how you were more up at the level of adults. Everyplace we went, people would talk to you, and I loved feeling like you got that special type of early interaction with the world. And there is a funny story too. When you were a tiny dude, you were asleep in the sling while I was in a PetSmart, so I had you covered up. When I went through line, the cashier asked me what was in there – she figured you were some type of animal!
And finally... all "the rest". There is so much that goes under “parenting” that I am not sure I could categorize it! I remember one of the first parenting concepts I discussed with your father was about using positive statements, like saying, "Please pet the dog gently," instead of, "Don't hit the dog." Ah, if it were only that simple! I think the lessons here would sound something like, just when I thought I had my parenting philosophy all figured out, I would learn something new and it would evolve. Or just when I thought I had it all figured out, going through real life stages and actually putting ideas into practice would show me how clueless I really was!
You are a spirited little fellow! A Force of Nature, we called you, from the moment you started moving! Any bookcase or other type of shelf you encountered HAD TO be emptied! You were not satisfied until every last thing had been dumped on the floor! You have grown out of that stage, but some things have been constants all along. Towers are for knocking over, silverware is for banging, blocks are for throwing - wait almost anything is for throwing haha, tables are for jumping off, things that roll are for crashing into walls and last but not least, emotions are for expressing to their fullest extent!!! It is easy to parent when that means listening to your imaginative narratives, crazy songs or infectious laughter, and those silly sounds have helped pull both your father and I out of bad moods on a regular basis.The sadness, frustration and anger are always harder for a parent to deal with, but I have learned so much from you about how to be empathetic and try to understand what you are feeling instead of just trying to fix things. I have also learned about the difference between setting limits and imposing consequences. And I have learned that there is almost always a way to honor the impulse of what you are doing by suggesting a change of location or material. Oh, and how can I forget, I have learned so much about conflict resolution with little folks! And those are just a few of the many things I have learned on my parenting journey.
The road your father and I have traveled as we looked for new ways to be better parents has not only helped us be more connected to you, but it has helped us in our everyday life. Your dad has commented several times about how he has used some of the same communication techniques at his job and how they have helped him remain calm and focused. And I feel that I have become a better person at some deep level because of all the wondrous things I have discovered as your mother.
So yes, I saw you as a “challenge” sometimes, at least in my perception, but I am striving to see difficult situations now as gifts of something new to understand instead of negative experiences. Even the process of writing this letter has reminded me that todays frustrations will be the things I recognize as catalysts for growth and learning. So many moms have told me the twos were a walk in the park compared to the threes and fours. Well, here we go baby boy. Bring it on! Your beautiful nature and brilliant mind are like nothing I have ever known, and I feel so blessed to be on this path with you.
Love and Namaste,
Mom
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