Friday, October 9, 2009

"This above all,...

So, I had a bit of an "aha parenting moment" while on the Seattle trip that I thought deserved its own post. Nothing I didn't already know, but every once in awhile, something hits me from a slightly different angle and seems so profound in the moment. This moment came compliments of Mr. Kai, and I share it with the permission of his mother.

Kai is an only child, and we have just been around him for short periods off and on, so I am sure it was quite an interesting experience for him to be thrown together with us for almost 2.5 days straight, not to mention being in new surroundings, missing naps, etc. Rachele and I had both agreed to pack lightly as we didn't take a car, and part of the plan was to take just her stroller and my Ergo, and trade off if need be. Can you see where this is going? :)

Rachele tells me all the time how much Kai adores Orion and talks about him frequently. He looks up to him as a "big boy" I think. But no matter how much he likes him, it doesn't mean he will always want to share his stuff with him LOL. At one point, Orion was really interested in checking out the stroller, and Kai was very clear about it being his! He really wanted complete control of it in that moment. The situation was dealt with, and life went on, but I got to thinking about it later that night.

I have often thought about how little kids can fight and even hit each other, then go back to being best friends five seconds later. My train of thought goes something like this: Adults could learn alot from that type of forgiveness! But hmmm, if I had a friend that repeatedly decked me when she got frustrated, I would probably choose to stop hanging out with her! Why? Because we expect adults to have a bit more self control I guess! But what about other things? What about speaking up for our needs? I am terrible at doing that.

The more I dug into this subject in my head, I realized I do some subtle projection in many of these situations. For example, if my kid is fighting with somebody alot and/or not wanting to share with them, he must not like them very much. No! That *might* be adult behavior, but I know that hasn't been true time and again for Orion! And in this case, I didn't think it was true for Kai either. That is when it hit me - the sheer beauty of the way children are in touch with their needs. Sometimes their need is to feel a certain amount of control over their environment or connection to something familiar. Or sometimes they just want what they want and are not shy about letting us know. :) They are self centered in the purest way possible. And if they are having a "BIG NEED", that will be foremost in their mind instead of tending to social relationships haha!

It's really a beautiful thing, and like the Bard said, thine own self be true."

1 comment:

Survivor said...

Oh, I'm just catching up on your blog and loved reading this. What a great insight!