CA Thursday - Funeral Day :(

This is a hard day to write about, but I think it is still important to journal it. I knew the start was going to be the hardest. My mom was very clear that she did not want a viewing, but my dad really wanted to see her. My brother adamantly did NOT, so I thought I should go with him. I pretty much think about the body like an empty shell at this point, but I wanted to support my dad. So they set it up for us to have a short private time with her. Ron came in this morning, and his mom picked him up at the airport. They got there just shortly before we headed out. He is only able to stay until tomorrow morning since he got an interview, but I am glad he is here for today.

On the way over to the funeral home, my dad started saying he didn't know if he wanted to see her! He was kindof acting like he just assumed I wanted to. (I hadn't said anything either way.) I wasn't sure what to say, because my brother had told me before I got there it seemed really important to him, and he has been all over the place with other stuff. Then he started talking about how I at least need to go check on her because he has heard stories about them putting the wrong body in the coffin or the wrong outfit on. I thought this was a totally crazy thing to be thinking of, but it is a horrible "what if". And I guess it is bound to happen at some point, even if it is one in a million. Then he said he was afraid he would break down, and I told him that is what he is supposed to do.

While walking in, I said something about hoping he would not regret it if he didn't go in, and he said right away that he wanted to. The weird thing is, I started crying the moment I walked in the room, and I totally wasn't expecting to do that. I think it was partly because she just looked SO old. She looked exactly like her mom had at the end in the hospital right before she died. I couldn't help but wonder if that was actually what she looked like or if it was because it was a few days after her death. I didn't want to ask my dad.... The other thing I noticed was she had large noticeable cancers on her neck. Those were not there just in February when we were here. My brother had made some comments about how this was a blessing because she was getting to a place where she had stuff that was going to show since the doctors had pretty much said they were done treating her. For better or worse, my mom was a vain woman, and indeed it would have bothered her. She was a knockout beauty in her youth and had a hard time with getting old.

We stayed in the chapel for awhile, until my dad said he was ready to go. I think he was glad he went in. Then we had a little bit of time at the house before it was time to head to the cemetery. The service had quite a good turnout. There were some relatives and friends there from Northern California and other far off places. It was great to see some of them I haven't seen in a long time. Josh and Katie were there with Sarah, and even Katie's mom came. We were hoping to meet last time I was in CA. This was kindof a weird way to meet, but it was nice that she came. Orion stayed with Josh almost the whole time. I thought he would want to run around on the grass, but he was happy with Josh holding him. Again, thank God for Josh!

The one thing my mom had always asked for was for Sarah to sing at her funeral. She even knew the exact song. She was pretty shaken up, though, and didn't think she could do it. She had printed out a bunch of the lyrics, though, so she could pass them out to folks, so I said I would just read them. Not your average funeral song! I think maybe this is my mom's idea of paradise:

Big Rock Candy Mountain

One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning Down the track came a hobo hiking and he said boys I'm not turning I'm headin for a land that's far away beside the crystal fountains So come with me we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings In the Big Rock Candy Mountains In the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the cops have wooden legs And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs The farmer's trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow In the Big Rock Candy Mountains In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe In the Big Rock Candy Mountains In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day Where they hung the jerk that invented work In the Big Rock Candy Mountains I'll see you all this coming fall in the Big Rock Candy Mountains *************** So you can see she didn't want it to be a really sad affair. In that spirit, we were off to one of her favorite Mexican restaurants after the service. I think she would have liked it that we all gathered around Mex and Margaritas in her memory. :) I got a chance to talk to a few folks and catch up, while Josh was being his usual patient self as Orion stuck his fingers in his food and created all manner of other mischief. It still felt like a long day by the time we got home. We were all tired and pretty much just flaked out the rest of the day. I didn't really feel like taking pictures, although I suppose it would have been nice at the restaurant, but Ron did take this one of the coffin detail: The one thing my dad did talk about was how much she loved red roses, so I was glad he spoke up as I probably would have picked pink.