Well, first of all, if I am going to write about this, I guess I have to admit my Worst Parent of the Year moment. Akasha tipped over in her bouncy seat. Yes, I suck. I was doing something in the kitchen and didn't realize it could do that. I don't think she was really hurt, but I'm sure she got bonked a little and was quite scared. She was screaming, and I picked her up to comfort her, but the interesting thing was, it never occurred to me to put her on the breast. My first inclination was that she needed to express herself. I just kept telling her how sorry I was and that it must have been really scary. After she got it out of her system for a bit, I did nurse her, but it didn't seem right at first. In fact, it would have felt deeply wrong for me to stifle her cry.
Back with Orion, I'm sure I would have popped him straight on the breast. Now that I know more about the benefits of crying, and about the importance of being a caring witness for childrens' expressions of hurts, I handled it differently. And I did it without thinking it through. This got me to thinking how much my parenting has changed since Orion was little. I was just talking to my friend Lyla about how many parents starting out on a new type of parenting almost feel like they need a "script". I know I did at first! It helped to have things ready to say differently when I would have used praise. And I still struggle with certain behaviors that are triggers for my anger. If I think things through ahead of time, and imagine myself saying what I want to, it really helps when I am in an emotional state.
It is just so interesting to me to think about how much I have changed, and to think about which aspects of my parenting are automatic and deeply ingrained now, and how they got that way, and which aspects I still struggle with. Phew, that was a run on! I watch some of my other friends in amazement who are so much further down the road. One day I asked another mom how she manages to react with such calmness when her son hits her, and she said, "Years of practice!" I must admit that is one of my triggers. I feel like I *say* the right thing usually, but not really in the right tone! I am just glad to have some great models in my life and hope I will be able to get where they are some day!
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I have you beat for best mom ever! While I was blogging earlier today Karis managed to pull a lamp down on top of herself and get a nice big goose-egg on her head. The lamp that i moved from the front room to the office so that the kids would be safe. Nice. Really smooth, Melissa, really smooth move.
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