Sad Parenting Story

I went over to a house today to buy something I saw on Craigslist. It turned out they had several boxes of girls clothes they were getting rid of, so I ended up staying awhile to go through them. Another young couple was there buying a stroller. They are expecting a girl and decided to have a look as well.

While we were there, the dad mentioned they are also getting rid of their dog. When I asked why, he said, "Punishment." I honestly thought he meant for the dog! As it turned out, they were giving the dog away because their daughter got kicked out of preschool! That's not even a logical consequence! He said it was her dog, so this was her punishment. Wow, so sad for the kid and the dog. The thing that made it even worse was the other young dad. He said something like, "I have to remember this - be good or we are going to take your things away." Arghhh.

I didn't want to come off like a nut job, but I couldn't say nothing either. He ended up talking on the phone to somebody about the dog while I was looking at clothes. He was saying they needed to plan it for when his daughter wasn't there because she would cry so much. What the hell? If you feel bad enough to plan it that way, why do it?! So as I am leaving, I tell him to look up Unconditional Parenting online. I said I wasn't trying to tell him how to do things, but just to read it and see what he thought. I mentioned it is based in part on the idea that rewards and punishments teach children to do things for external validation. So he launches into this big thing about his aunt with two degrees who runs some children's institute, and how he talks to her all the time, and she told him this was the right way to do things, blah, blah, blah. I just said, "Read it, and make up your own mind."

It is times like this I really wish I had a short thing written up to give people. It would need to be short enough to not be a turn off, have an engaging opening to attention getting, mention how these ideas are supported by research and have some names and websites at the bottom. There are lots of great articles out there, but I almost feel like I need to write something up myself, maybe using exerpts from really good writers that are more articulate than me haha.

Ah, one more thing for the to do list....