We went to visit some friends in Vancouver today, a mom and her two boys. They have a great house and yard, full of things to explore. I was really interested to see how it was going to turn out as all of the boys can be pretty intense, and in a variety of different ways! It turned out to be an awesome day, and it was so great to be around another mom who has similar parenting philosophies and a deep commitment to honoring the emotions and needs of children.
She had mentioned to me before we got there that her younger son is particularly attached to his trains these days. I went in prepared to try to distract Orion from them or get him playing with other things, but to our delight, he was really into sharing them with today. The whole visit pretty much went like that until right near the end. For some reason, Orion decided he wanted to gather up and hoard several of this one type of engine. Those just happened to be some that were newly acquired and still in the very special category. I could see our friend was quite sad and having a hard time with it, so I tried to talk to Orion about giving them back. This went on for awhile, but I was hesitant to quietly take them away since I knew what would happen.... Both parties seemed pretty entrenched, so I finally asked the mom if I should just take them away. That was my sense of what needed done early on, but I was pretty sure Orion would gift us with one of his blood curdling screams, and the older son doesn't care for that kind of sensory stimulation. So I warned her about that, and she said I could go ahead.
Sure enough, scream of the ages. Although I feel so strongly about my parenting, I still have that little voice in my head that wonders if people think my son is out of control or that I should be handling things differently. What a great feeling to instead hear somebody support him in just the way I would - or better in fact! Sometimes I am not so calm in the face of all that screaming from my own child when I wish I could just make it better, but this mom just gently told him how good it was to let all those big feelings out. It was so touching.
Then we had the aftermath to deal with.... The interesting thing was when I explained to her older boy that Orion also doesn't like loud sounds, but it doesn't seem to bother him if he is the one making them. He really seemed to relate to that and I think it might have helped him push through the situation a bit easier. And then the sweetest moment of all happened. After a little while, the younger boy handed Orion some of the trains back just out of the blue. I think we both almost cried it was so sweet!
And my second favorite moment... being sent off at the door by the little gentleman with farewells of, "Come again when you have the chance!"
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2 comments:
Thank you, Lisa- for sharing this story. It sounds like you and the other mother worked well with the boys through a difficult situation- and the boys really came through.
Orion is so pure of heart- He just says what he feels! Being as responsive as you are, and nurturing him like you do- I think it allows him to be who is is and to say how he feels- and that is a blessing. I love that little guy and his big emotions.
Lisa, thanks so much for posting about your visit with us. It was a pleasure having you come, and although I know the scream seemed loud (it always does when it's your own kiddo), we are often blessed by such noises around here anyway, so it really wasn't that much, and it didn't last very long. I'm so glad both you and he felt comfortable enough here to be able to have that happen, and allow those emotions to come freely into our interactions. Orion is so welcome here! :) We love him dearly -- primal scream and all. ;)
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